I didn't like Magicka. I tell you that because if you did like it, don't go int othis trying to defend it. You're not going to argue out of this one: I didn't like it, and I'm not going to like it.
I bought it for three dollars. I might have bought some DLC with it. The game is relentless in terms of DLC, I think they released like 17 different piles of shit to throw onto the turd furnace and it just boils with fecal rage. I don't generally like DLC, because it usually just makes me wait even longer to buy games I'm not even going to play.
So maybe I should like DLC for doing me the favour? Thanks DLC!
Anyway - Magicka. The single player campaign is all I have strong memories of. I tried playing multiplayer and it was just a clusterfuck. I know, you're going to say "That's part of its charm" and I'm going to respond I don't care. Diablo 2 multiplayer was a clustfuck with explosions and blizzards, barbarians yelling and other wacky shit. That game was released like a hundred years ago and it looked better, played better and was on every level better than this shit piece of a game. Though it actually comes with its own set of excuses, it doesn't have the issue of "I'm not even sure which character is mine and I no longer even care". That is a problem I actually had with this game in multiplayer - the controls are so sluggish and horrible that I wasn't sure which dope in a robe I was actually playing for a minute or two. I played MP for a couple minutes. I eventually got bored and just went AFK; the game continued without my input, or maybe it didn't, but I didn't really care. I think they might have been mad at me for leaving, but then I was mad for being told to buy and/or play this fucking awful game.
The title screen looks like garbage and the opening screens all look like garbage. I would say the game looks like garbage, but I actually dig the art style of everything that isn't a focus for the player. Which is to say; I liked the backgrounds! It's slow and clunky to get to whatever it is you want to do, which is always a good sign.
so then you get to single player, which appears to be ... I don't know, it looks like it's trying to be cute and funny, but it's a complete failure in that regard. I just found the accents and dialogue to be a rather weak, dull attempt at lightening the mood to help make up for just not having any idea how to make an interesting anything. It feels like a clown at a funeral. I was doing the single player for an achievement, which was irritating and forced me to play for an hour when I'd already realized from my earlier multiplayer that the game was stupid and not worth my time.
Maybe my patience is not at its strongest when I feel like I'm being forced to play the game. I mean yeah you don't have to do the coal thing and who cares, but I already owned it so I felt like I should go through with it, get it done.
The main character looks stupid as fuck, but again, the game is trying to be cute and funny so ... Yeah? I guess? Is that really much of an excuse or something? Crap looks like shit because it's supposed to be so LIKE IT?
The tutorial is terribly boring, but it does manage to explain the basics of the system. After being buggy and not working for a bit mind you. Not really sure how you code a tutorial that instructs you to do something and then you can't do it? After getting that to work it explains the element thing.
This is where the game breaks down. The game is essentially, as best I can tell in my two hours of hating my life edit playing it, structured around mixing elements in two fashions. Actually mixing them on your bar and then mixing then on enemies. So you make enemies 'wet' then you 'freeze' them, and then you smash them. You can mix the elements to make like, water and freeze bombs, and then maybe some other shit I never bothered to figure out because...
The game is a clunky mess. Combos take several clicks to activate, then to charge up, all while dodging around various enemies. The controls are sluggish and you get debuffed often, then enemies jump on you, then I'm just really tired of playing this shitty game. You're not really punished, most of the time, but it adds this constant layer of tedium and annoyance to doing even the simplest thing.
The combo system is an amazing idea on paper as well as in execution and in the embrace of a better game would be stellar. I mean it is stellar and really cool, but in this game I feel like I'm repeatedly entering my pin code at the grocery store while the cashier talks to me. I don't know how else to express the feeling of awkward mixed with annoying. I'm buying cottage cheese and spinach and the cashier is looking at me funny. Oh, she forgot to ring up my jalapenos.
That is the feeling I get playing this game. This creeping dull ache that lodges itself right between my eyes, that's the feeling I get.
I felt the entire time like I was wrestling with a snake covered in shit, but with more button pressing. The other big problem is the game just has no space to do anything, the arenas feel very pinched in and tiny.
So I got my achievement and literally alt-f4'd that very second. This is after reloading into an earlier checkpoint when I got to a push that, as best I can tell, was actually created to punish me for not being careful when it came to getting the achievement earlier. The dull ache in my head completely prohibited figuring out the regenerating can't hit snake boss, so fuck you. Then I uninstalled it.
This is actually in a category of games I firmly wish I could delete from my steam account forever and not have to see ever again. The best description I can give of this game is playing a poorly written sitcom with wizards doing chores while you enter pin codes over and over again.
It's just really dreary. Maybe I'd enjoy it drunk, but you know what else I'd enjoy while drunk? Walking home in the cold. So that's not much of a compliment.
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