In space, ships are made of grey with splashes of Red

The first thing that stood out about this game, especially after playing Mass Effect 2, is how wonderfully quick the saving and loading is. Seriously! I was like wow, it saved that fast? Loads up that quick? It's delightful. The weird thing, I mean, is that this actually seems really important to a horror game. If the game had long loading screens you'd end up like ME2, where I often accidentally misclicked after tabbing back into the game.

The second thing is holy cow is that ever a ton of blood. I mean there is blood everywhere, on everything. There's more blood than there is much of anything else. It starts to completely lose impact, as blood doesn't really indicate violence coming to you. It just looks like you're actually on some deep space raspberry jam factory ship.

The blood and its over-abundance sort of defines the main thematic thrust of the game. It is horror executed through absolutes. It's not violent, it's ultra violent. There is little in the way of pacing, little in the way of slow build up in encounters. Shit goes bad quickly and then it just blasts it in your face. The game is a fire hose of gore, violence and blood to the point it's a weird mix of comical and gross, but not really horror.

What confused me at first is the fact the game does in fact understood horror. There are bits where it is decidedly creepy and atmospheric, with some really nice attention to detail. Little tricks of the lighting and odd well placed sounds that tickle you just the right way. Then some corpse smashes its skull against a pipe and all atmosphere is instantly lost. I think the end conclusion is they simply firehosed the game with absolutely everything: ultra violence, atmosphere, weird sci-fi ideas, blood, gore and every spooky anything they'd ever seen.

I've heard of the great outdoors but this is

The sci-fi elements are surprisingly a step above my expectations. I'm not necessarily saying that the game spews chemistry and physics at you, but sci-fi concepts like cloning labs, zero gravity and air production at least show an interest in outlandish concepts. It does, on some level, feel like some fifty year old crappy spaceship would perhaps feel. Or at least feels like someone sat down and thought about the possibilities - There is a serious attempt at world building. The storyline angle world building is mediocre, but the ship itself is truly awesome.

So then we move onto the "game" in and of itself. Gameplay is pretty simple stuff: You're an engineer, you shoot the monsters du jour with various weapons that actually feel like less than military hardware. Gunplay is pretty accurate and monsters feel tense without being overwhelming. The game is generally pretty fair about combat in a way I like - I find myself looking around and wondering where the freshly arrived enemies are, but usually they don't go for me before I get a chance to find them. It seems weird to complain about this, but going into a "horror game" you expect a ton of cheap ass bullshit. The game is mostly well paced and fair in that regard, at least on normal. I did say mostly - There's some crap, especially in zero gravity environments, but also awkward 'lockdown' scenes where you're jammed into a closet.

Enemies remain scary, even though they're not much of a threat in the true sense of the word. They're at least dangerous enough that you pay attention to them, though scary in this context may not be quite the correct word. Combat is surprisingly interactive, as you need to aim to remove limbs, not just body and head shots. You don't just find the target and hold down fire, but quickly move to tear it to pieces.

Puzzles, unfortunately, vary between interesting and totally boring. One of the issues I have with the game is that save points, as a rule, should always come before and after puzzles that take a couple minutes to solve. I mean literally the save point should be right there. It's all well and good to have checkpointesque system, and I can live with that, but several of the larger puzzles have combat in and around them. That's irritating. More frustrating is the fact that the game basically loses its stride in regards to puzzles, eventually just using them to burn time. The crate shit at the end is beyond obnoxious. I honestly don't understand the purpose of boring me to death (ha) with moving boxes around or fetch quests.

The storyline is ... I don't know. I started to pick up that there were going to be derpier elements as I went. The game didn't go outright berserk with them, rather it keeps much of it pretty low key, but there's some definite macguffin action to try to tie things together.  There's an especially odd moment where one of the cast just ... Screws you over. For reasons I'm largely not altogether too sure, other than the needs of the narrative, really work. The macguffin itself is at least given a sense of, if not personality, then at least a certain feeling of inevitability that governs its "actions" in the game. The subtle difference between a plot object that people just do things crazy like around, and a plot object that drives people crazy to do things around for it, is enough that the story never really catches itself too harshly.

There's a couple other elements that felt bent in to feed the needs of the narrative. I've mentioned the game just has too much blood, but it also has too many corpses. Now this may sound odd, but the game implies that the necromorphs are made from the dead, very actively at that. And yet there's just random bodies and bits all over, just to add to the gore factor. Thing is, those bodies should just be necromorphs, not gorish decorations. Also you're generally supposed to smash bodies, which is just more hassle and chore added in. There's also way too many of the "baby" necromorphs - which do actually have an explanation in game for existance, but they make up like half the necromorph population in game.

This wouldn't bother me if they weren't more or less a chore to deal with.

The other thing that becomes such a chore is the audio. Now, I understand the idea that you want spooky sounds in a horror game, but Dead Space's audio direction is just goofy nonsense. About halfway through the game, I just muted it. That's really bad. The big problem here is that yes, a horror game should have spooky and tense sounds, but after a while you just get sick of all the goofy noises the game constantly makes. It's just constant grinding, irritating slop bucket noises, off key chanting and Isaac panting just to fill dead air. It's entirely fine for a horror game to ease up and just have normal sounds for a while, you know?

there's a hole in your plan

So in summary: A largely good and interesting game, bogged down by overwhelming audio direction, puzzles that slip into terrible and way too much pointless gore. The boss fights especially where mostly neat, though the end of the game (past about chapter 9) just turned into a monstrous chore. I get that you need a macguffin to justify all this gore, but seriously, I shouldn't spend multiple hours of my life pushing the fucking thing around. If I were to assess the game by its ending, I would actually call it "terrible" but that's probably a little unfair.

Though seriously, pushing a crate around? Like, seriously? What the fuck is wrong with a development team that honestly thinks a human being wants to spend more than an hour of their life pushing around a box, clearing the way for a box, pushing the box some more, so on?

The last boss, though, was pretty good. Neat and epic. Ended the game on a far better note than I was expecting. The boss fights really were, on the most part, the stand out elements of the game.

Fatalism of the Orcs

I largely don't review games I consider good until I have completed them. I think Orcs Must Die is good, but I also don't think it's worth finishing. That's an odd paradox.

OMD is probably my favorite of the hybrid shooter/tower defense games to come out in 2011. Dungeon Defenders is considerably better looking in some ways (admittedly, the art style is worse, but that's an aesthetic choice) but the game is so damn boring and grindy, with this weird slippery feel to the game world. Sanctum is just worse in every respect other than having multiplayer - it's weird looking, aim intensive and lacks a satisfying feeling that conveys the effectiveness of your toys. OMD's shooting is less aim intensive more action than Sanctum and its traps feel far more satisfying.

It may seem a little weird to comment that a shooting / tower defensive hybrid is too aim intensive, but that's just the thing: You're not playing just a shooter. Having to line up perfect, weak point shots in Sanctum is the wrong type of gameplay, as you want to be observing the performance of your maze and your towers, not just shooting things. The end result if Sanctum is a bad shooter and a bad tower defense game, while OMD is a sloppy but satisfying shooter and a good tower defense game.

In fact, the core gameplay is almost spot on in every regard, except for two main problems.

The biggest, hugest problem with the game is it simply lacks the deeper polish that makes most tower defense games enjoyable in the long term. Each level represents a logical problem that needs to be deconstructed to effectively defeat, with multiple solutions based on the myriad of combinations. OMD really suffers in this regard. It has no ability to save your progress on any level, which chokes replay value.

I don't necessarily mean I want a rewind key. The game lacks the ability to save any concept of trap positioning, or let alone which traps you selected. You need to reselect your entire menu of traps each and every single time you restart a map. Accidents happen, mistakes are made, and the game punishes you severely for it. Even more ridiculous is how many things can't be reset once you've begun. Selection of the bonus powers talent tree can not be reset from within a map, you have to restart the entire level, repeating the entire stupid process. Again, and again, and again.

The menus and powers involved are mostly solid though. The menus are a delight to go through, with lots of personality and it is pretty quick. It's pretty evident that the developers completed this process over and over again, but it becomes a serious question of how they didn't fucking notice how unbelievably irritating not being able to save load outs is. It's baffling. In games where the load out screen is shitty (like, say, Mass Effect) you would actually just stop playing if they tried to make you build a new load out every single battle.

Traps, as an extension of this, are really satisfying. Unlike most tower defense games, OMD has few abilities you won't enjoy deploying. Picking traps is actually somewhat difficult simply based on how they're all good, all fun and all interesting. The game is a huge success on that angle, as opposed to like Sanctum where they're blocks I barely even notice doing anything. The various combat abilities are all delightful as well; Orcs are hurled, blasted, exploded, frozen and burnt in ways that while violent, are cheerful enough it doesn't feel especially grimdark. The game is colorful and gibtastic, with a delightfully nonchalant style to the whole matter.

However, getting back to the core problems, the game suffers from some seriously awful level design. The levels are weird, nonsensical constructs that have really nothing to do with being anything outside weird lines. Because of this, you really wonder why they bothered to make it an indoor castle thing and not something more of a say, fantasy reality.

But the real problem is that the levels work against the game's gameplay. While running multiple paths and different enemies types allows for a deepening game plan, after a while the game just start vomiting nonsense at you with multiple doors, confusing maps and overall irritation that gets away from the gibbing. Instead of spending my time enjoying the showers of gore, I'm instead running around, quickly putting up traps without planning and restarting maps because there is no manner of predicting where traps should go.

Trial and error gameplay is fine - In fact, you could argue Defense Grid the "Best" TD game has tons of it - but not when you're forced to spend minutes rebuild your interface and traps every single time you want to reconsider your plan. There's so little information presented, as well, that you are forced to trial and error through it. Couple the two together and while it's fun to limp over the finish line the first time you finish a level, several of the later levels just become too chorelike to bother replaying.

The worst part of this is the game always feel like it ends right after you've "solved" the puzzle. There is no satisfying part where the game slams you with massive enemy waves that your carefully assembled defenses pick apart - Instead, once you've crossed the basic "finish line" you're done. Maybe it's different on the highest difficulty, but I haven't read that and I'm not going to drag myself through the off last level just to discover the higher difficulty is even less enjoyable.

Like I said, this one of the few games I've really liked but have also found too much of a chore to finish. It's an odd contradiction to express but one that seems simple once you've played it. The gameplay is good. The game, on the other hand, has glaring holes in it that make it harder to recommend.

I'm gonna hold off on picking up the sequel til it's on sale, or til someone confirms me that the game's weird holes have been patched up.

Massively effective DLC system

Time is kinda off since I idled often

I don't have much of a thing for sequels. Sure, almost all my favorite books are presented with sequels galore, but books don't really bother with re-creating the entire framing from the ground up. Video game sequels pretty rarely are truly sequels in the film and book sense, often with huge changes to the game experience.

And holy poop does this game change the feel of the first game.

Insert ape based caption here

First things first, the game presents itself in this weird set up as though the antagonists of the second game are in some manner discrete from the first game. This is - no more no less - about as successful a plot element as butter is at successfully battling your frying pan set to max. You see through it instantly and it leaves little spots on the narrative you'd really they rather didn't bother with. But the game constantly talks about this other race as though they're somehow separate from the original game's antagonistic structure. It's really awful and it creates this weird feeling that you're facing an enemy that isn't so much a complex machine empire, but rather a bunch of mental patients who have difficulty deciding which spoon to jam into humanity's collective eyeball. I didn't really like this, and there's this weird subplot where the enemy "General" says your name all the time.

I have no idea why. Maybe I missed it.

Second, the combat system is squarely worse. It took me less time to adapt to it than the first game, since I've played more console babby cover system games since then. That being said, combat is just ... Bad. At the end of the first game I felt confident in what I was doing and had grown accustomed to the heat system. In this game I spammed one ability (Shockwave) while shooting people with which ever random gun I decided I felt like firing. I understand and actually appreciate the desire to make the game more of a shooter, but I think arguing the game is worse because it's more of a shooter is disingenuous.

Mass Effect 2 isn't worse because it's more "shooter". It's worse because it's a bad shooter AND a bad roleplaying game that traded out elements you'd actually see in a good shooter. If I open the gun pane or whatever you want to call it in Crysis 2, it tells me which guns are better. Alpha Protocol had a whole over complex window, and that's probably too far, but giving shooter fans numbers to work with isn't against the genre.  The other shooting elements are slapdash, guns have no feel, enemies appear from weird angles and I never get that satisfying feel when I shoot someone.

I mean at its simplest, ME2 really suffers because I'm shooting people with no solid explanation of which gun is good against what and no solid feeling when bullets hit people.

I can forgive the weaknesses in the plot (the middle chapter always gets the stick) and I can forgive the shooting, since it's really no worse than any RPG combat from my childhood. Yeah FF7's combat system was so deep bro! Herp derp. I can forgive them if the characters are good. And on the most part, they are.

My favorite new character: Miranda. I liked her serious attitude, and her voice actor was good. The last character added to the party was also awesome, but ends up joining the team a little too late to enjoy.  My least favorite character: Miranda's ass. Look, I know games need to be sexually charged because ... Uh, something about how dudes need tits on screen if there isn't violence or something but seriously, her ass is more of a character than half the cast. I mean it has more shading going on than her face and half of the time she's talking the ass puts in an appearance. The weird thing I actually feel considerably more annoyed with this than the blatant "I fuck chicks" in the Witcher. Like sure, you have sex with way more women in the Witcher, but that's mostly over and done with pretty quickly. It's an element of the game you can entirely avoid and has no real impact on the game, beyond making me laugh really hard a couple times. It's just so tongue in cheek I could't take it seriously. Miranda's ass (and the super awkward romance stuff with Tali) come up repeatedly, each time making me shudder a little. That screen shot above? That's from a loyalty mission you need to do in order to unlock Miranda's last power. It could be argue the game mechanically encourages it, and then literally shoves her ass in your face. The Witcher is silly, but this is actually outright creepy.

Just murdered a dude in cold blood. Now, some ass.

I actually botched the romance angles in the game due to misclicking an option in a dialogue tree. Given how creepy the first game's romance scene was, I'm not exactly torn up about missing it. The best thing is I didn't even realize it was relevant. Oddly enough, I eventually fixed the misclick but I guess I broke it or something.

The rest of the cast mostly returns from the first game, minus the Racist Who Dies. Most of them don't join the team, which is fine. They still resolve plot threads from them, which I liked. You also get this awesome Salarian scientist who does good work and kills people. It's hard not to gush about the quality of his voice acting and character. I change my opinion, he's my favorite. He sings!

So the game sells it based on actually getting to know the various characters and acting on their plots. It even has a bit where Seth Green the ship's pilot as played by Seth Green gets to hobble around, crack some jokes and watch other people get brutally murdered. I don't like Seth Green, but I like him here. I can't explain that.

In summary, the game has a sweet singing salarian scientist, steve blum doing an impression of wrex from the first game, worse combat, a weaker plot and largely deeper characterization. It's also a better looking game with lots of pretty vistas and less barren rocks. The game also drops the vehicle sections, which were bad, then re-adds them in DLC. I'm still a little bit blown away by this one: The main complaint about the first game's vehicle stuff is it was boring and you feel like you were driving a shopping cart. In this game, you drive a shopping hovercart and there's jumping puzzles. That's incredible. The gap between the developer who came up with that and reality itself must be tremendous. Seriously: There are jumping puzzles.

I think I enjoyed ME2 more than enough to recommend it, though like most roleplaying games, I have largely no intent to play it again. I archived my saved game and I'll stash it away with the intent to play ME3 after getting a rest from terrible roleplaying shooter hybrid things.

Adventures of the Worst Spy Ever

I'm not great at stealth. It's not fundamentally in my nature; I understand the concept, but damn am I ever impatient and bad at it. I mean, make it simple and linear, I'll probably get it. Make it sort of dicey or weirdly floppy and my true secret agent persona comes through: Set everyone on fire and go totes ma goats with an assault rifle blazing. No man is an island, and no one misses a volcano, but no one gets out alive either.

A literal master of stealth

So anyway Alpha Protocol is some game that did lukewarm in reviews and is actually well loved on SA, which isn't really much of a thing since people on SA tend to group think a little. But then so do reviewers, so I guess that's fair?

The game is really generous with being an espionage game, since like I said I'm actually the worst spy ever conceptually seen in a video game. And I mean literally seen, assuming your eyes have not already melted. In spite of being about spying and sneaking, the game fully supported my class choice of COMMANDO and didn't seem too upset with me for killing piles of dudes. So many dudes. This is nice.

Combat, which is often complained about in the game, seemed pretty reasonable on the most part. The actual gunplay and cover system seemed mostly fine, and close combat is satisfying to look at albeit extremely simple. The problem, and of course some of the complaining has a foundation, lies in the transitions. There's a couple examples, but all of them do have to do with that. The first one is that while melee is good and ranged combat is fine, sometimes you can knock enemies out of melee and then you sort of flail for a bit. It's very strange. Bosses, as well, transition between phases of combat which the game does terribly. The one boss goes immune to damage while you're punching him which just feels really weird.

The stealth dome: for stealthing

The cover system, man. I mean really, I've yet to see a game where the cover system even approaches functionality. Other than Doom, where the cover system was an accident. A basis of all good gaming is a smooth and reliable set of reactions to input - Known as control. The cover system felt out of control, sloppy and on the most part pretty disinterested in me. Thankfully I just shot everyone, they were dead and my bullets were my cover.

The story in Alpha Protocol is pretty simple - A military contractor does bad stuff, black operations, do stuff maybe don't do stuff and there you go. What is interesting about AP is I don't think it's possible or at the very least easy to examine most of the story on a playthrough. This is unique and pretty impressive. This element, and how the various factions interact, play out and so on, offers both replayability and a different story for each person based on their choices. I'm not entirely certain how perfect the various elements in fact are, since I'm only going to go through it once, but I managed to miss entire boss fights, get most of the cast killed by accident and not learn half the players actual identities. If I didn't have a giant pile of back logs, I'd probably go through the game again with a different play style but I have this huge backlog.

What did really suck about this is after a while the game starts framing acts with a conversation with one of the antagonists, presenting the game sort of as flashbacks. I didn't really enjoy this over much, since it kinda spoiled plot points, but it was constructed in a unique way each time that show off how the game interacts with your own narrative.

The characters, though, are the real boon of the game. And bones. Literally.

He told me to put the Bees to someone. The Beeeees.

The cast is, as one can imagine in a very grey morality spy game, a mixed bag of enjoyable personalities. I found interacting with them to be the real delight of the game, some of them because like the crazy guy in Taipei because they're funny and some of them because the dialogue system is enjoyable to work through. You can influence what you guys says, but only up to a point. Also, different attitudes work with different people well, which creates a sense that the characters are actually characters and not talking boxes that poop out replies. It gives conversations a legitimate sense of being a conversation and develops them into people you like, or hate.

Probably the worst part of the game, though, is blatantly obvious forced decisions. The game puts a number of "no win" choices in front of you. The issue here is that, they're not subtle, they're played to the trope which is ... Rather dull. It's the weakest part of the story, but the story is not necessarily very strong. It's the well written and well voiced characters that are. So I can deal with that.

All in all, it had its flaws and I understand where the bad reviews start - the various "skill" minigames could use some serious adjustment in terms of Not Being a Chore - but the actual meat of the game is a strong evolution on the genre that I guess unfortunately didn't do so well. Pity.

Which is to say I am part of the Goonmind and yeah, recommend this game.

Torchlight 2 (Beta)

i like snow

Full disclosure: I did not and will not be buying D3, so I can't really compare the two games. I played a ton of D2X, but none of the first Torchlight. So for me this is a transition from D2X to TL2 Beta, with no ARPGs between or about.

I played the stress test beta for most of its duration. I played the first little bit on all of the classes, and played through most of it on the Embermage, as well as almost as much with a friend on the Outlander class. I think I got a pretty decent take on the game, though maybe not. The game is not promoting a closed unhackable multiplayer experience, so my intention is by no means to bother with the game multiplayerwise.

In simplest terms the game is Diablo 2 run through a Warcraft or maybe a Dota2 filter; it's hard to really describe the visual style outside of these terms. It is attractive and cartoony, with nice animations and good visual variety. It isn't really stunning by any means though, the game looks somewhere between big title and indie release. The spell effects are visually strong and the art carries nicely, but it isn't quite as top tier as some of the stuff I've played recently.

Outside of the visual style, it's Diablo 2. I mean it's faster paced, with more skill variety and better itemization, but it's Diablo 2 repackaged and refined. It moved quicker and in most fashions it is a smoother game, but it really does feel mostly like the same game. I'm not sure this upsets me - Most of Diablo 2's flaws were either in basic problems with the genre that have been ironed out since then, graphical weakness or just odd programming errors. They've fixed most of those and then brewed up some new ones.

On the plus side, inventory tetris is completely gone. The game actually gives you space for each "type" of thing, as well as space on your pet as well. Your pet can shapeshift, sell things for you and even purchase potions. I noticed the pet doesn't remember the shopping list if you close the window, which strikes me as odd. I feel like it would be better if you could tell the pet 'I wish to keep this many potions on me' and then it would buy potions to fill you up to them.

fucking pirates

I really like the pet thing too, it feels somewhere between hunter pet (from wow) and druid wolf minions in d2x. They're also thankfully relaxed about the pet dying, which is the worst part of any pet game. Sure it's a little silly that your pet can never die, but who cares? You can die and that's all that matters.

The game also has much nicer visual variety. I loved D2's willingness to go to different places and explore a world built up around the first game's lore, but the game was still a bit too tightly wound around the 'grey stone walls, everything covered in blood, demons made of hobos stitched together' sort of thing. TL2, at least from what the beta has shown, features lots of different locales and styles.

On the downside - And this might be the beta talking - the game does introduce new issues to the genre. The biggest one, and one that painfully departs from D2 (or at least, is worse than D2), is its flat out harder both to parse how much elemental damage you're taking, what kind of resistance you need and how much resistance you need. The resist system didn't make any sense to me at the time, it felt unresponsive. One of the worst moments came in the last dungeon in the beta: An enemy was nailing me to near death with "shadow" bolts. From off screen. How do I tell what element it is doing? The only way I could figure out was highlighting over its name bar. In D2, whatever hits you registers on your character with an elemental animation, but TL2 didn't seem to really bother. Even worse I just ... Have no idea if the enemy was just too powerful, my resists were too low or my gear not good enough.

A bad issue of this is the game does not allow map resets easily. In D2, if you fought too tough a boss, you'd just reset the map and start the area again. I'm not really sure why TL2 wouldn't allow you to do this - You can just go online and join another player's game, but it's an unnecessary step of hassle in a genre where the ability to just grind up more gear to fix your flaws is clearly part of the design. Sure, you can turn down the difficulty, but who wants to do that?

The other problem with this is, well, you clearly need a bunch of resistance from very early on in the game, at least on Veteran difficulty. Items are not easy to read, and it's hard to tell if items are at a higher item level (ie have a bigger pool of stats). I'm not saying items are tough to figure out, it's just they're sorted poorly and you have to struggle to add up which ones are relevant, and which aren't. The most irritating element are the enchants, which don't really list as being an enchant. Since you're supposed to be able to remove and add enchants, it's really difficult to tell what exactly IS the enchant. I don't much care for this, since it makes comparing items for upgrade harder or just outright impossible.

Overall, though, the game is a visually pleasing and streamlined modern version of D2, with many of the years old annoyances gone at last. Enemies arrive on the battlefield in a variety of ways too, with skeletons pulling themselves off swords they were impaled on, enemies bursting from huts or jumping down from fortress walls. It feels good and dynamic.

I didn't really feel the class balance was quite there, but the beta is supposed to go through a revision period when it comes to skills, so maybe they'll get that closer to "good" soon. I'm looking forward to buying retail, though I'm not sure if I'll pick it up when it releases or just get it a little cheaper at the winter sale. $15 (in a four pack) isn't too bad a deal, though. I mean it looks nice, it's polished, it's clean and it's fun. $15 for a good quality release is quite a deal, even if it's graphically a bit behind the curve, but who cares anyway.

I mean besides this will run fine on my notebook

Just enough causes to get behind

I'll admit it straight out – I've never played any open world game that falls into the “Like GTA” category. I've never really played, at least to any level of actually remembering playing it, GTA games or any of the games that are patterned to be 'like' GTA. “Open world gaming” is actually sort of new to me, other than like morrowind, which isn't new at all.

I picked up Just Cause 2 for at best something along the lines of 'a song'. I think it was on sale for 2.50, but maybe I paid five dollars for it. This is the line where Steam games just get really silly. I paid that much for the Witcher and I'm actually left with the feeling I should pay more for the next game to make up for it. I put off playing it for several months due to lacking an Xbox 360 controller. My teen years I played consoles and then in the next decade played computer games, so suffice to say I'm pretty solid on a keyboard. But years of writing has given my an appreciation for doing something different with my hands, especially if that difference is not developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Gripping a control pad gives you nice solid feel when it comes to platforming and driving, but shooting is another story.

The game has a learning curve and that curve is choppy. Some stuff is instantly obvious, like how bad I am at driving a car being mostly on my end. Some stuff is too hectic to pick up on – I recognize keys mostly based on their position against my hand, so the QTEs trouble me and I sometimes fuck them up. I'm also still not sure which buttons do what in a car, I think one hops out and another shoots or something something, parachute? Oh it's parachute. The weirdest thing is realizing the dodge button, which launches Rico into a roll, is paramount to utterly definitive. Dodging is more effective than basically everything else in the game. Hook shot onto a speeding car? Enemy bullets still home onto you. Hook shot onto a motorcycle and then take off at top speed? Again, dodge works better.

The game has, admittedly, little more than a fondness towards reality. It follows its own rules, and those rules are not sensible. Physics, especially, are just silly. Gatling gun fire launches enemy units into the air, and car crashes are incredible kinetic explosions that reliably launch everything not strapped down hurling through the air. While clownish, it adds a sort of 'action film' element to the game that I appreciate. The game has little interest in realism.

On the other hand, in terms of building a game world the developers wow me. While it's true the game looks basically like an island with some cities and stuff on it – It reminds me immensely of hawaii – The attention to detail is really rewarding. It's visually lush and makes me wonder how bad the developers of fantasy games must be. The game is pretty enough that sometimes you just skydive or drive around, casually sauntering to the next mission with an eye for the scenery. That hasn't happened to me in ages. Dues Ex: Human Revolution and Bulletstorm were better looking games, but lacked the critical drop in tension or raw splendor to really sink it in.

Missions, on the note, have reasonable variety that uses the game itself well. Missions essentially direct you to head somewhere and do something the engine could let you do otherwise, but with some structure to it that adds to the difficulty.

Difficulty is a big component of the stuff I find miserable about the game. Death is no more than an inconvenient occurrence, resulting in needing to taxi yourself back to whatever you might have been doing or back a checkpoint in a mission. The problem here is that since difficulty is “who cares” the game doesn't really seem to care if it throws up on you. The aiming AI, as I've said, is goofy. It's not generally a big deal, but the game is pretty absurd about simply respawning waves of enemies out of your line of sight, even in places where no one could be. Where it gets really annoying is rocket launchers which magically home in on you. Obviously the designers really didn't care, since a bullshit death means so little, but this complete lack of concern leads to some frustrating gameplay.

The correct escort quest: On a motorcycle

One of the other big ones is the whole upgrade system. Running around finding bits allows you to upgrade a narrow selection of vehicles to really no point (since they're never the ones you steal) while also allowing you to upgrade guns. My real issue with the gun upgrade system is weapons absolutely must be upgraded or combat is just irritating, which the game makes no real mention of. For some reason the developers never thought to put in auto switching, so you gleefully attempt to fire an empty gun at people. Suffice to say, unupgraded weapons run out of ammo at the drop of a hat. After upgrading weapons with the parts I'd scrambled together I'm pretty much forced to use those guns, since the other guns are still crap.

The last real irritation is the race system. Flying a plane is not enjoyable in the game, which is probably since flying planes is not exactly the world's easiest task. I tried doing the flying challenges and just found them frustrating, flight unfortunately does not truly convey a sense of speed. On the other hand the car/truck challenges feel fantastic, with many of them being clever or creative usage of the game world. The one where you just drive through a city and plow through civilians was a bit drab, but there's one where you zoom through a military base, and one that is plotted along the wrong lane of a highway. These are neat and exciting to fiddle with.

All in all I think this is definitely one of the more outright concerned with "fun" games I've played in a long time. It's certainly not flawless, but it's pretty and silly much of the time. Given I got it at such a low price, it's impossible to complain though.

Planeswalker sounds like some sort of airfield enthusist

I've been playing Magic on and off for the better part of my life - Something in or around eighteen years, in fact. Magic computer games are generally overly complex, crash prone and fun through the pure delight of Magic the Gathering itself. The game's core system is largely really fun, and DOTP 2012 manages to hold onto that.

I still play online "real" magic, and as such, never played DOTP as a multiplayer game. I honestly can't imagine doing so, as multiplayer comes in two varieties - duels, which the game is poorly suited to for reasons I'll get into and then big "group" games, which the game might be suited to but inversely lacks basically all the reasons and is terribly slow for anyway.

As a basic magic game it offers some grounding in the setting, which helps build the single player some personality. It's not bad, though the art assets and deck designs for the various planeswalkers who act as opposing AIs does leave you a little annoyed sometimes. The various decks might be based around core themes, or honestly maybe they're not. It's certainly easier to simply imagine them as poorly conceived piles that don't really act on a theme. The art for the various planeswalkers offers a generally stiff reminder as to the innate childishness of Magic's art. The women are all slim, buxom and largely showing off as much skin as credible. The men are all either in the 'skinny but clean cropped sauve' look or big muscle bound hulks.

There is a golem, too, I guess. Oh and a cat person - who is thankfully male.

It's not really the sort of thing that really bothers me in most games but in Magic it's been literal years of hitting the lowest possible mark that common fantasy art will allow. Now that people give zero fucks about D&D, Magic art is just slim women with big tits about half the time. I don't mind slim women with big tits at all but fantasy allows for such a huge breadth of possibility that you think you could move past sticking tits on everything.

Yeah this just in, fantasy artists: Not actually creative.

The decks, as I said, are a mess. They're fun to tool around with, but innately a bit unbalanced. Opinions vary on what beats what, but I think the game fails terrible in terms of potential. The decks often lack focus, and the unlocks rarely allow you to move towards a more focused build. I feel like the idea of having a sixty card deck with two possible themes, then unlocks allowing a focus on either. The unlocks don't do this. They generally just build towards ... Nothing in particular, with many of the decks get unlocked junk that doesn't help the deck. Some of the decks are frustrating messes that feel like could have been more focused, using cards available in the existing pool, but weren't for reasons I'm unsure of. Given the game is at its best attracting as much positive sentiment as possible I don't really know what the excuse is.

Deck building is infuriating and essentially, poorly coded. The deck builder is worse than Magic online, which is worse than a freeware program used in 2002. That's really terrible. It's slow, sticky and I don't really understand why it needs to be the way it is. The worst thing is you can't adjust the number of lands in your deck, which is never more annoying than the one multicolor deck treating its nonbasic lands as spells.

The weirdest element is, to the best of my knowledge, the complete lack of nonbasic lands. This is a weird thing to put in a review but if I was designing magic for casual to advanced level players, I would literally take every step possible to remove mana screw and develop the game from the ground up to improve player choices as they relate to mana. Allowing people to build two and three color decks with ease is a concern for developers of the real game, but it is literally irrelevant here. The designers control the metagame absolutely and these concerns are nonexistent. A deck isn't "more powerful" by using two or three colours, since the general advantage of access to a deeper pool of choices is again irrelevant. So the excuse is ... I'm not sure. Nonbasic lands can be a little weird to use for new players, but they're no more advanced than several of the goofier card choices.

Admittedly, if given reign of such a project, I wouldn't use stuff like Proliferate or Legends at all either, and would probably only use a very limited list of nonbasic lands.

Of course, this leads into another problem - the game doesn't allow you to choose how spend your mana or what lands you tap for mana. This is a tremendous issue and one that weakens several of the decks. While the weirdness of the one Angel's kicker just randomly deciding to be less powerful "because" is certainly odd, any multicolor deck struggles to predict which mana will actually be available at a given juncture. This is horrible, terrible design and really highlights the weakness of the program.

Trying to fight and plead with the game for the usage of your resources leaves a lasting impression of disgust with the game. I believe they claimed they're fixing it in the next version of the game, which is sort of not really the salve to the problem. This is sort of why I would never play this game online. While Mtgo is innately a touch stressful given the fact that, while free on the most part you're essentially betting real money, the idea of losing matches not to bad draws or making mistakes but the game just randomly deciding to tap my lands wrong is uniquely horrific.

The other issue, of course, is that rather than thinking it through and producing the decks at all roughly the same power level, some are just better so I imagine instead of a decent variety of decks you just get nothing. I'm not really excited to find out - Sure, I can log on and try it out given I own all of dotp, but I own a mtgo account with packs and tix and a zombie deck I'm borrowing.

Which isn't very good, but I did say borrowing.

Regardless, dotp is a pretty good way to introduce magic with some unfortunate weaknesses in design, some of which carry over from the main brand and some of which I wish the main brand showed up to fix. It's not a very good advanced product, which I think is the intent, but it's a little frustrating. It was something like ten dollars total though, so I'm not griping too hard on it.

Still, better development would have lead to a better game. I mean outside the crashing, which the game does a ton. And the painful performance issues, but that might be the problem with it being a port.